修改潤色肯定是每位留學(xué)生必須經(jīng)歷的痛苦!相信很多同學(xué)在寫完了essay草稿之后,回過頭一看都會(huì)有這個(gè)感受:想改,總覺得哪個(gè)地方不大對(duì)勁。就像繪畫一樣,一根線走歪了,后面基本就都歪了,要改也很復(fù)雜。更可怕的是,這都寫完了,才想到了一個(gè)更好的論點(diǎn),或者發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)超級(jí)大的邏輯漏洞。好吧,這個(gè)要怎么辦呢?下面Australiaway小編就跟同學(xué)們一起來看看如何對(duì)essay進(jìn)行修改潤色。
essay修改潤色
essay要如何修改:
同學(xué)們首先要做的不是急匆匆的動(dòng)筆修改,而是理清自己的思路,要明白自己現(xiàn)在需要修改哪些地方,想要什么等等,把你想要的先寫出來。不要看到哪里有問題就直接改。
自己檢查了一遍之后如果還是有點(diǎn)摸不清楚,完全可以請(qǐng)教自己的老師或者同學(xué)。看看他們對(duì)你的essay有什么修改建議,他們對(duì)你的essay的理解和看法會(huì)對(duì)你的表達(dá)和想法有更客觀的改進(jìn)。畢竟旁觀者清嘛!
重新分析評(píng)估——從文章結(jié)構(gòu)框架開始,就像你當(dāng)初搭建大綱一樣,確定每個(gè)段落的中心思想,列舉段落的重要性,段落之間的聯(lián)系。做個(gè)清晰明了的分析。
再重新思考你的論點(diǎn),要好好考慮如何修改文章。重新排序,刪減或者增加章節(jié),打亂重組。你現(xiàn)在該有一個(gè)修改方案。
檢查這個(gè)修改方案,再看看通篇的邏輯,段落間的關(guān)聯(lián),是否存在問題,每個(gè)段落的主題句是否足夠顯眼。
校對(duì)。主要用于提高語言的簡明精要,建議大家直接讀出來,你的耳朵會(huì)撿起你眼睛錯(cuò)過的東西。
說到底,這還是熟悉的發(fā)現(xiàn)問題——分析問題——解決問題的一套流程,先要知道目標(biāo),自身情況,再全面分析,思考解決方案,重新檢查校對(duì)??瓷先ズ苈闊?,大刀闊斧的很多步驟,但相比較東拼瞎湊隨便多次的潦草潤色修改,這樣的修改才是最效率的做法,能從根本上提高essay本身的質(zhì)量。
essay修改成功案例:
說完大家都懂的“大道理”,讓我們實(shí)實(shí)在在的看下修改的實(shí)例:
1969年,E. B. 寫了一篇關(guān)于第一次月球漫步的短評(píng)。這篇短評(píng)一共修改了六次,我們這里放出第三稿和最后一稿(第六稿)。大家可以先讀讀看看,有什么差別。
第三稿:
Planning a trip to the moon differs in no essential respect from planning a trip to the beach. You have to decide what to take along, what to leave behind. Should the thermos jug go? The child's rubber horse? The dill pickles? These are the sometimes fateful decisions on which the success or failure of the whole outing turns.
計(jì)劃一次月球之旅可不像計(jì)劃前往海灘的旅行那樣簡單。你必須決定要帶什么,留下什么。熱水瓶應(yīng)該去嗎?孩子的橡皮馬?蒔蘿泡菜?這些有些時(shí)候是對(duì)于整個(gè)郊游是成功還是失敗可是起決定性作用。
Something goes along that spoils everything because it is always in the way; something gets left behind that is desperately needed for comfort or for safety.
有些事情會(huì)破壞一切,因?yàn)樗偸窃诼飞蠟榱耸孢m或安全而迫切需要的東西。
The men who drew up the moon list for the astronauts planned long and hard and well. (Should the vacuum cleaner go, to suck up moondust?)
那些為宇航月登月計(jì)劃制定長長的清單的人們真的很不容易。(比如,像真空吸塵器應(yīng)該去吸收月塵嗎?)
Among the items they sent along, of course, was the little jointed flagpoles and the flag that could be stiffened to the breeze that did not blow. (It is traditional among explorers to plant the flag.) Yet the two men who stepped out on the surface of the moon were in a class by themselves and should have been equipped accordingly: they were of the new breed of men, those who had seen the earth whole.
當(dāng)然,它們發(fā)送的物品中,有小型連接的旗桿和可以加固到不用吹的微風(fēng)的就能飄起的旗幟。(在樹立國旗是一種傳統(tǒng)的。)然而,走出月球表面的兩個(gè)人本身就是一個(gè)團(tuán)體,而且應(yīng)該有全面的裝備:他們是新一代的人,是看過整個(gè)地球的人。
When, following instructions, they colored the moon red, white, and blue, they were fumbling with the past—or so it seemed to us, who watched, trembling with awe and admiration and pride. This moon plant was the last scene in the long book of nationalism, one that could have well been omitted.
按照指示,當(dāng)他們將月亮變成紅色,白色和藍(lán)色時(shí),他們正在摸索著過去 - 或者在我們看來,他們看上去,激動(dòng),敬畏和驕傲地顫抖著。這個(gè)登月事件是民族主義長篇書中的最后一個(gè)不可以略過的場景。
The moon still holds the key to madness, which is universal, still controls the tides that lap on shores everywhere, still guards lovers that kiss in every land under no banner but the sky. What a pity we couldn't have forsworn our little Iwo Jima scene and planted instead a banner acceptable to all—a simple white handkerchief, perhaps, symbol of the common cold, which, like the moon, affects us all!
月亮仍然是(讓人)瘋狂的關(guān)鍵,這是普遍存在的,仍然可以控制任何一處海岸上的潮汐,仍然守護(hù)在每一塊土地上的愛好者并輕吻他們,但除了天空之外。遺憾的是,我們不可能放棄我們的小小的硫磺島場景。像一條簡單的白手帕,也許,類似于普通感冒,月亮影響著我們所有人!
第六稿:
The moon, it turns out, is a great place for men. One-sixth gravity must be a lot of fun, and when Armstrong and Aldrin went into their bouncy little dance, like two happy children, it was a moment not only of triumph but of gaiety.
事實(shí)證明,月亮對(duì)于男人是一個(gè)好地方。六分之一的引力一定很有趣,當(dāng)阿姆斯特朗和奧爾德林開始他們充滿活力的小舞時(shí),就像兩個(gè)快樂的孩子一樣,這不僅是勝利的時(shí)刻,也是歡樂的時(shí)刻。
The moon, on the other hand, is a poor place for flags. Ours looked stiff and awkward, trying to float on the breeze that does not blow. (There must be a lesson here somewhere.) It is traditional, of course, for explorers to plant the flag, but it struck us, as we watched with awe and admiration and pride, that our two fellows were universal men, not national men, and should have been equipped accordingly.
另一方面,月亮是一個(gè)糟糕的地方。我們看起來僵硬和笨拙,試圖漂浮在不吹的微風(fēng)上。(這里必須有一個(gè)教訓(xùn)。)當(dāng)然,傳統(tǒng)的探險(xiǎn)者可以種上國旗,但是當(dāng)我們懷著敬畏和驕傲的眼光看著我們所認(rèn)為的兩個(gè)普通的男人,而不是國民,并且應(yīng)該準(zhǔn)備充分。
Like every great river and every great sea, the moon belongs to none and belongs to all. It still holds the key to madness, still controls the tides that lap on shores everywhere, still guards the lovers that kiss in every land under no banner but the sky. What a pity that in our moment of triumph we did not forswear the familiar Iwo Jima scene and plant instead a device acceptable to all: a limp white handkerchief, perhaps, symbol of the common cold, which, like the moon, affect us all, unites us all!
像每條大河和每一個(gè)大海一樣,月亮不屬于任何人,屬于所有人。它仍然是瘋狂的關(guān)鍵,仍然控制著到處都是海岸的潮汐,仍然守護(hù)著在沒有旗幟的天空中親吻的愛人。遺憾的是,在我們勝利的那一刻,我們沒有放棄熟悉的硫磺島場景,而是取代了所有人都能接受的設(shè)備:一塊柔軟的白色手帕,也許,類似于普通感冒,月亮影響著我們所有人,團(tuán)結(jié)我們所有人!
結(jié)論:
在草稿6中,他在他的第三句話中陳述了他正在解決的問題 - "the moon is a poor place for flags"。在草稿3中,他沒有表明這一點(diǎn),直到句子開始"Yet",而不是直接說明;但這句話通過簡明扼要地闡述早先暗示的想法,并作出了總結(jié)。使得主張更加清晰。
相應(yīng)地,修改突出了一個(gè)位于早期草稿的中間或結(jié)尾處的論點(diǎn)。刪掉了開頭的“海灘之旅”的介紹。作者在草稿3中開頭對(duì)海灘之旅的描寫的分類,表示了作者對(duì)這例子的喜愛,但實(shí)際上這個(gè)例子對(duì)他突出論點(diǎn)意義不大,甚至浪費(fèi)了篇幅。所以,他換成了"he bouncy dance",比“沙灘之旅”的例子更加簡明形象,而且趣味精要的多。
essay修改原則:
修改需要重新整理思考essay。先打個(gè)比方,如果你要去一個(gè)陌生的地方,沒有地圖,去之前規(guī)劃的路線,肯定比你到達(dá)目的地,往回走的路線不一樣,因?yàn)橹虚g肯定少不了“冤枉路”。思考的深度主要看閱讀的深度。
同學(xué)們在完成第一遍的修改之后,如果還是有不滿意的地方,不要急著改第二次。等過幾個(gè)小時(shí)再重新修改,這樣效果比你馬上改要好得多。對(duì)于essay修改潤色方面有疑問的同學(xué)可以掃描右邊的二維碼聯(lián)系我們的客服哦!新客戶下單立減5%!